I want to welcome to my blog, Patricia Davis! Thank you so much for being here today. I loved The Diva Doctrine and really enjoyed the chance to interview you. Now, let's get on with the questions!
1. In The Diva Doctrine, you broke everything down into sixteen vital chapters. If you could only give us one piece of advice from the 16, what would it be?
This seems to be the number one interview question women want to know. I would have to say it’s Principle No. 2: “The only thing you should be faking is confidence. If you don’t have it yet, pretend you do. In every new situation, pretend you’re not nervous, pretend you’re not scared, and after a while, the pretend part disappears.” All throughout my life, I’ve heard women say that want to try this or that, but when asked why they haven’t done it, they clam up. The reason for that is fear. “What will happen if…?” is what stops women from doing so many things. “What will happen if I pursue my dream and open my own business?” “What will happen if I move to another country?” “What will happen if I leave my husband?” etc. It’s the fear of the thing and not the thing itself that’s so agonizing. So if you just pretend you’re not afraid ─ and I mean go as far as saying that out loud, even to friends and family (who will probably guess you’re lying!) you’re brain starts to believe it. It really does. And that frees you up to do all kinds of wonderful things you’d been afraid to do in the past. And if you do the things you dream of doing, you feel so great about that, that everything else in your life, including the way you feel about yourself, starts to fall into place.
2. Is there anything you didn't include in The Diva Doctrine that you wish you did?
Actually, yes, there is, and I’m so glad you asked! I should have added that we need more women to have the gumption to pursue careers in the fields of science, math, and technology. You know, I was just asked to be the Master of Ceremonies at a wonderful competition called “The Technovation Challenge” which is being held at the Google Campus in Silicon Valley. This is a non-profit that encourages high school age girls to compete in making phone apps and more. It was mind-blowing to see what these young women came up with, and also very sobering to see how that field is still dominated by men.
3. If there comes a time when you realize that your friend isn't who you thought she was, and doesn't seem to have your best interests at heart, what's the best way to end the friendship without drama and it ending badly?
I love this question, too, because as I mention in the book, most of them do end badly and dramatically. My practical, logical, ‘Diva” answer is to say let the friendship fade gradually without making a big deal out it. If you were used to seeing each other every day, make it once a week, and then once a month, until finally it’s over, but you can still send each other birthday cards and holiday cards without wishing each other dead as part of the greeting in the card! But, a slow and respectful ending is not that easy for most of us women, because we get just as emotionally involved in some of our very close friendships as we do in our romantic ones. And how many of those end with the two involved shaking hands and saying, “Have a nice life?” If you can do it, you’re a better person than I am. I can easily slide out of a business relationship with no remorse or anger, but personal relationships are much, much harder. I’ve only achieved it twice so far. But then again, I’ve only had two close friendships in the last thirty years that needed to end. All my other friends will be friends of mine for life, and I can say that with more conviction now than I would have been able to in the past, because I’m choosing my friends much more carefully these days to start. I also allow myself to have “layers of friendships” if you will. Some friendships go very deep; others might be friends I go to the gym with. We’re close, but not necessarily bone deep close. That makes it easier to be more objective and, if necessary, to distance myself if it should come to that. The ones I let in super close now that I’m older are women I know will “watch my back” just as much as I watch theirs.
4. What can we do to help a friend who struggles with judging herself, feeling like nobody values her opinions, etc. Can we help them at all, or is this their own inner battle?
Oh, boy, you really are asking the hard questions today, aren’t you, Jodie? : ) I think any good friend deserves that we try to help, but not to the point where it becomes an emotional drain on us. Because then, we’re not helping, we’re enabling. Our friends are not our therapists. Sometimes we need help to sort out our feelings and it’s best that’s done by an objective professional who is not too emotionally involved with us. If I see a friend continually suffering, I will gently recommend she seeks some kind of professional counseling. But at the end of the day, it’s up to every individual to own her own life and pursue her own happiness.
5. I really loved your quotes from the book and book trailer, what made you decide to use those?
Why, thank you very much. The simple answer is that they resonated with me, and I thought they’d resonate with other women, too. I wrote the song for the book trailer for the same reason, and I think the musicians and singer who performed it did such a marvelous interpretation of it. So many women commented in it that we uploaded it to CD Baby. We had to make it available for 30 cents, though, because that’s the minimum they would allow.
6. Let's hear 5 normal things about you, and 5 really random things about you!
Hmmm. Fun. Let’s see…five normal things: I love my children, family, and husband. I enjoy cooking dinner for my guests. I wish I could eat more ice cream, but I know it’s bad for me. I think that’s five. Five random things are: I lift weights and love it, I’m terribly vain and wear sunscreen almost 24 hours a day, I own way too many handbags and shoes, and I wish with all my might that people would stop killing each other and saying their “god” wants them to do it.
7. Is it possible that we will see a book come out of The Grown Up Goddess? I would read it!
That’s very kind. Thank you. I don’t know the answer. Seems to me it’s been done before and by better writers, too. I’d been working on a paranormal mystery/romance when the opportunity to write The Diva Doctrine came up, and I put that aside. I think I’d like to get back to that and finish it, first.
I thank you so much for your time! You can follow Patricia on Twitter, find her on Facebook, check out the website, and view the book trailer. See my review here.
Now for the giveaway!
Open to everybody!
Winner must respond within 48 hours.
Giveaway ends 5/9 at midnight.